Saturday, September 14, 2002

Last Monday was my first checkup, and everything went fine. All the tests came back with no signs of any recurrence. They did bloodwork and took chest X-rays and did a physical exam and pronounced me in remission. Or at least that's the first time my oncologist used the "r" word (what she actually called it.) She wants a PET scan before the next visit in three months because of my "unusual presentation". That's what I get for being different, I suppose. All the generalities don't apply, but there isn't a large enough pool of people with the same characteristics to make any for me.

I felt relieved, but only for a little bit. Kevin asked me why I felt relieved, did I think something was wrong? No, I didn't, but then again I didn't think anything was wrong last year, either. And the cancer grew so fast! But that doesn't mean it will happen again; I'm not being pessimistic. I just can't put it out of my mind completely. All the tests they ran mean that it hadn't recurred since the last test, not that it won't recur at all.

But when we got back home, I unsubscribed from a Hodgkin's mailing list that had lots of messages every day. I'd subscribed after my treatment was over (a little late, probably, but that was when I found it. And to be honest, that was when I was ready for it. I didn't go looking for any while I was in treatment.) But I unsubscribed because I don't want to think about it every day anymore. After my treatment was over and I started feeling better, I was ready to never think about it again--but I can't do that. But I can't think about it every day, either.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

The interviewer (for the Chicago Tribune) called this weekend to fact check. I figured out by the questions that we're going to be the "good" couple. Meaning we'll look good, but get little space. We're the lead to the article, he said. And then he asked whether he wanted to use our real names. I said yes. Now I'm really hoping that we don't look bad! Especially since Kevin's still has a lot of friends in Chicago. I mean, how bad can he make ME look? If he does make me look bad, I'll call the Make-A-Wish foundation and have them send some of the professional athletes that visit cancer patients over to his house for a little attitude adjustment.

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